What happened to November?
Well... an entire month of no blog post. So much for being an unstoppable New York City writing actress... it's easy to feel down when we drop the ball but it doesn't do any good.
I am really good at picking myself up when I've fallen. I haven't necessarily fallen... but I have been tripping a bit here and there. November has been a very important month for me this year. The moth where I've started to feel less than rainbows and butterflies regarding theatre (it was bound to happen!), the month where my love has found his way back to me, and the historical month where we have elected one of the worst human beings on the planet. Let me say before anyone freaks out- I am STILL happy here, and I am STILL in love with the career I have chosen... but I'm starting to experience the tough stuff everyone warns you about. I have gone to a few more auditions this month and lately have been getting "typed out" before even getting to sing or dance. That does something to you. Even now, writing this, I am feeling embarrassed admitting it. For those of you who don't know about "typing" it's the part of the audition where the director lines you up in a row in small groups and basically says "yes" or "no" before the audition even gets started. It's all about the look their going for. It's disheartening to be told to go home after waking up at 5am and waiting around for and hour. I am still new here and it's okay that this is happening, it happens to everyone, but somehow I fear that everyone cheering me on back home will be disappointed that their "local teen star" just isn't good enough for New York. Even if some people do feel that way- it's not true. I am good enough to be here... I do feel vulnerable sharing this on my blog though. I am sharing this experience because it is true. It's good to share the happy times, but it's very important to also share the struggle. I have more auditions lined up- and I will keep showing up. I remind myself what I would say to a friend or one of my students and then I'm less critical and more hand working instead.
I am coming home December 16th! I am so very excited to see my family and friends. I will be seeing Peter Pan at Spindrift and I couldn't be more excited! I know my past co-workers and students are killing it (as usual)! I'm not sure what day I'm seeing it yet... but I'll be there clapping VERY loudly.
As for love: I'm sure everyone is wondering about Jake. Well... it's true! We are back together! Jake and I broke up before summer and although it had been a rough few months without each other... some how separating was the best thing for us at the time and gave us time to grow and blossom on our own for a while. Without giving away too many personal details- we missed each other a lot. I don't think I need to write about the reasons we broke up and the reasons we're getting back together- just trust that we've put a lot of time and talking into this decision and it's our decision. After letting each other go, we found our way back to each other. It was a beautiful reuniting. I am a grown woman and don't like to waste time on things that aren't the real deal. Hah! It's interesting how your idea of true love morphs as you get older. Being in love with Jake somehow satisfies my childhood idea of love and fairytales as well as the practical and healthy relationship I have been wanting as a woman. With all of this being said I am still going hard (if not harder) for my dreams in the theatre. Jake stands by me and is my biggest fan.
I feel like I'm taking another step here in NYC. As always, thank you to everyone who supports me and sends me love. A HUGE thank you to Page (from back home) for sending me the most thoughtful care package. It made me feel very special and anytime I use anything from it I feel loved.
*Photos: Autumn in Central Park
I am really good at picking myself up when I've fallen. I haven't necessarily fallen... but I have been tripping a bit here and there. November has been a very important month for me this year. The moth where I've started to feel less than rainbows and butterflies regarding theatre (it was bound to happen!), the month where my love has found his way back to me, and the historical month where we have elected one of the worst human beings on the planet. Let me say before anyone freaks out- I am STILL happy here, and I am STILL in love with the career I have chosen... but I'm starting to experience the tough stuff everyone warns you about. I have gone to a few more auditions this month and lately have been getting "typed out" before even getting to sing or dance. That does something to you. Even now, writing this, I am feeling embarrassed admitting it. For those of you who don't know about "typing" it's the part of the audition where the director lines you up in a row in small groups and basically says "yes" or "no" before the audition even gets started. It's all about the look their going for. It's disheartening to be told to go home after waking up at 5am and waiting around for and hour. I am still new here and it's okay that this is happening, it happens to everyone, but somehow I fear that everyone cheering me on back home will be disappointed that their "local teen star" just isn't good enough for New York. Even if some people do feel that way- it's not true. I am good enough to be here... I do feel vulnerable sharing this on my blog though. I am sharing this experience because it is true. It's good to share the happy times, but it's very important to also share the struggle. I have more auditions lined up- and I will keep showing up. I remind myself what I would say to a friend or one of my students and then I'm less critical and more hand working instead.
As for love: I'm sure everyone is wondering about Jake. Well... it's true! We are back together! Jake and I broke up before summer and although it had been a rough few months without each other... some how separating was the best thing for us at the time and gave us time to grow and blossom on our own for a while. Without giving away too many personal details- we missed each other a lot. I don't think I need to write about the reasons we broke up and the reasons we're getting back together- just trust that we've put a lot of time and talking into this decision and it's our decision. After letting each other go, we found our way back to each other. It was a beautiful reuniting. I am a grown woman and don't like to waste time on things that aren't the real deal. Hah! It's interesting how your idea of true love morphs as you get older. Being in love with Jake somehow satisfies my childhood idea of love and fairytales as well as the practical and healthy relationship I have been wanting as a woman. With all of this being said I am still going hard (if not harder) for my dreams in the theatre. Jake stands by me and is my biggest fan.
I feel like I'm taking another step here in NYC. As always, thank you to everyone who supports me and sends me love. A HUGE thank you to Page (from back home) for sending me the most thoughtful care package. It made me feel very special and anytime I use anything from it I feel loved.
*Photos: Autumn in Central Park
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